Where we are right now
Last week I sent out a personal update to my newsletter subscribers, and I had so many responses that I’ve decided to post it here too (if you wrote me back, thank you!!). Many folks wrote to say they were in the same boat, or maybe in a different situation but something resonated anyway.
Connection is so important, and it’s been hard to connect this year for obvious reasons. I think a lot of us (me especially) fall into the trap of “comparative suffering” — not wanting to sound like I’m complaining when I know it’s been so much harder for others — but being honest when things are tough helps us work through it and become more connected, empathetic humans. The purpose of this email was just to say “hey, here’s where I’m at!” but maybe it will be meaningful to you in other ways.
By the way, this is most of the email I sent out, but you can view the entire thing here if you prefer. I keep a record of my past newsletters on my newsletter archive page.
And of course, sign up for my emails if you want to get this sort of thing in your inbox!
Hello friends!
I've been holding out on you. I haven't sent out a “Studio Notes” edition of this newsletter for nearly a year (April 24, 2020, to be exact). I've either been too occupied with other things or haven't felt like I had much to offer to write. What a year. The warping and flattening of time. The subduction of my job as a creative under the weight of mothering three kiddos during a pandemic. The feeling that everything I was experiencing was simultaneously so not normal and utterly unremarkable at the same time. It seemed both universal and pretty unrelated to sewing.
I didn't have much desire to write about fixing endless lunches and snacks and reminding my kiddos to hit “submit” on their virtual assignments and clearing the counter for the one billionth time or sewing masks or date nights in the basement with takeout while the kids tore the house apart upstairs or wiping away tears or answering emails in my underwear until after lunchtime.
Many other mothers have done, are doing this exact same thing.
Not only have I had to cut back on work, I've also cut back on social media, especially Instagram, which lately holds very little appeal for me (work for Mark Zuckerberg for free? NO THANKS!). At the same time – and rather oddly -- I've found my inbox to be a comforting connection to the outside world. I'm subscribed to a handful of newsletters from really talented people – writers, designers, activists -- and every time I get a new one, it feels like a gift. Or I can delete it. Whatever. The other day, I had a bit of an epiphany while reading an email newsletter from a quilter I follow. I had signed up for her newsletter after she shared a colorful quilt online, and sometimes her emails relate to quilting, but more often she shares stories from everyday life in her apartment with her partner. After reading her last email, I realized what a gift that was, just to get a glimpse into her everyday life; to connect to readers without a purpose other than just to connect. And then I thought: I have a newsletter!
So anyway, I am still here, but not really here. When I get your emails asking about the status of Emerald or a new size update for an older pattern, I don't really know how to answer. I look at myself – unshowered, six-year old tugging at my arm saying “mama, mama!” and I think, if this person could see me right now they would probably have their answer.
Still, it's incredibly encouraging to know that you are still sewing my patterns, using the tutorials, looking for a post that disappeared, wondering about and wishing for new patterns and updates for old ones. None of us here at MBR are working more than a few hours a week – Jess and Elli have also cut back their hours significantly (Elli for similar reasons to me and also that she's about to move across the country, Jess because she graduated and became a therapist this year!!!) -- so many days I wish I could snap my fingers and magically finish those projects. In reality, my kids are all still schooling from home. Our school district is making noise about them going back two partial days a week, next week. I look at the numbers here in Michigan and I think…really?
Perhaps before long I'll have more than 15 minutes at a time to dedicate to projects that require long stretches of time and a mental state that I don't possess right now to complete. For now, I just wanted to send out this email, a small glimpse into my life, a few things I've been up to, and hope that maybe it will offer a line of connection to someone else (you?) out there.
lately
reading: The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett was phenomenal. I know I'm late to the Brit Bennett club, but wow. The Mothers is on my list now too.
puzzling: Clementine and Hugo completed this adorable Little Feminists” puzzle in less than a day. I loved the fun colors and how it gave us an opportunity to talk about these important people.
knitting: socks. This little pair is my second pair (see my very first pair of socks, linked below), for Hugo. I'm totally hooked on knitting socks.
sewing: I made 3 Jade tees for myself from merino wool from The Fabric Store and were the perfect extra warm layer for winter. I'll try to put finished photos on the blog soon. Highly recommend their merino wool (not an ad, just like this fabric).
An unexpected blessing during this pandemic has been how, miraculously, and despite the fact that none of us are working more than a few hours a week anymore, our sewing pattern business has continued to bring in enough income to keep the lights on. This is something I do not take for granted, and I know this is because of all of you, and I am so grateful. Thank you for being here.
I like to think that the patterns might be bringing you some comfort during isolation, a moment of pride after you've tackled something new, or the satisfaction of wearing elastic-waisted pants during your zoom meetings. Each time I mail out a printed pattern, I think about the person on the other end and what you will make with it. It feels like a small but meaningful connection in this year of disconnection; I hope you feel it too.
Wear your mask! get the shot! and stay safe!
Rae